Swings and Slides

[a couple years ago...]

We had been playing and hiking and climbing over rocks for an hour or so. Afterwards we were riding in the car and chatting, when suddenly she stopped what she was saying and peered into my eyes with her big brown ones, and said, "Wait. Are you a grown-up?"

I don't know what gave me away. "Yes," I reluctantly answered my four year old cousin, Lauren.

I think I will maybe always admit this with a bit of wistfulness...like... I don't know just how I arrived here, but here I am indeed. Lauren considered this new information for a moment, but luckily deemed me appropriately fun enough to continue carrying on with, so all was well anyway.

****************************************************************************

So I'm a grown-up. Reluctantly. What's supposed to come along with that... and what's supposed to be left behind? The boundaries are blurred for me. Especially over here, out of my "professional" comfortable Santa Barbara life.

Is it still okay to stomp my feet if I'm frustrated with foreign online banking issues? Does a person getting a masters degree in business do that? Is it immature to make someone stand in the rain with me while I pout? Does a twenty-something whose friends are starting to have kids do that? Is it completely un-grown-up of me to bike home from a club in a costume, still tipsy, at 5 am? What exactly is it about being here in Lund that makes me feel less grown-up...? Is it just the hour I get to bed occasionally, or the lack of a professional identity, or maybe the time I created a bloody hole in my nylons from falling off my bike (while I was sitting still on it)?

Don't know. I don't want to be called a grown-up by a kid, but I don't want to be considered a kid by other grown-ups.

Whatever. There's no stopping me from doing certain kid things anyway, especially after the intensive study marathons of yesterday and today and the thought of all of the ones coming in the next two weeks... This "recess" was exactly what we needed as the sun set over Lund...